Archive for February, 2010

Chewy vs Dewey

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

By Lone Seagull & Sketchbag

Contemplating Chewbacca

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Artist: Lone Seagull

Screeching Gull

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

I’ve decided to introduce a new category to the already wacky assortment.

Screeching Gull will showcase some of the worst talent to ever hit the streets. The posts will consist of audio recordings, usually of someone’s fucked up performance.

My first addition is a shitty rap song by Johnny Hornyshitter.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Magic Reality World

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Magic Reality World

Who is Peethom?

Artist : Tentacle Fuck

Origins of the Shithawk

Friday, February 12th, 2010


The title wizard is derived from the archaic word “Wys-ars”, meaning one who is very wise.  They existed long before man and some say the original wizards were able to manifest themselves as powerful creatures, like the orca, zebra, prancing pony and boar.  The pseudo-wizards of our day claim to use mathematical formulas to conjure mythical beasts, communicate with other life forms, control minds, and even travel time.  If you come across someone who makes these claims, pay no heed.

Authentic present-day wizards often look like regular people, even so, there is a way of telling if they are one. Wizards tend to give off a faint smell of sulphur due to a monthly cycle of producing and laying eggs. The sulphur smell is the result of a chemical reaction that occurs during the egg producing process.  The stink gets particularly strong when the wizard is near the end of its life.  When a wizard begins to die it will focus all of its body’s resources on producing a final egg which will contain its offspring or heir.  If the wizard is powerful the heir will retain a great deal of its predecessor’s knowledge.

There is an old tale about one of these eggs.  A dying wizard left its heir in a seagull’s nest.  When the tiny wizard hatched the seagull who owned the nest raised it as its own.  Unfortunately, the wizard quickly out grew its upbringing and enslaved the seagull as its winged steed.  Its influence was too great for the seagull realm to resist and eventually the wizard enslaved them all.

The wizard’s inherent intelligence treated him well.  It knew seagulls were very hearty creatures, extremely resistant to toxins and pollutants and using its knowledge of seagull psychology the wizard compelled the them to feed off the human’s waste.  After many tests it determined that putting human garbage through a seagull’s body would produce an even stronger toxin. The wizard had the seagulls rain terror upon humankind by dropping waste all over their lands.  To this day humans are still unaware of the effects; disfigured babies, disease, aids.

Although the wizard had won a great victory over the foul human pestilence, it had also caused great pain to the elegant seabirds.  You see, the human race only recognizes seagulls as garbage eaters, birds that feed off their excrement, the humans see the seabirds as filthy Shithawks.

Many think the term Shithawk is just a word and means nothing but little do they know.  Seagulls are a very sensitive species and they have a hard time separating others’ perceptions from their own.  The seagulls see themselves as filth mongers, scavengers, nothing more than a rat of the sky.  If the true history of the seagulls were to be revealed they could be saved.  It is said that they have ability to travel the galaxy, slice rocks with their beaks, and morph into any form they wish.  They could be the most valiant bird in existence.  Unfortunately, the wizard controls this knowledge and refuses to use it to restore balance.  The wizard is waiting for the human population to diminish before it gives the power back to the gulls.  For now, they are the wizard’s puppets.

Narwhal vs. Unihorn

Saturday, February 6th, 2010


Unihorns can be thought of as respectable animals only when perceived as using their horns for hunting and killing prey much like antelope or deer.

Currently, I am training a flock of narwhals to guide me into the future.

Artist: Anonymous Polish Lady

I hate trolls.

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Troll Hole

If you’ve ever wondered where a troll comes from I guess now you have an idea. I was surprised when I discovered this place, I thought they lived under bridges.

Go clean under your bridge, troll.